Aircraft Problems
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


(Problem:          = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(Solution:         = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

__________________________________________________________
Problem:           Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution:          Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem:           Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Solution:          Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Problem:           Something loose in cockpit.
Solution:          Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem:           Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution:          Live bugs on back-order.

Problem:           Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution:          Evidence removed.

Problem:           DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution:          DME volume set to more believable level.

Problem:           Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution:          That's what they're there for.

Problem:           IFF inoperative.
Solution:          IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem:           Suspected crack in windshield.
Solution:          Suspect you're right.

Problem:           Number 3 engine "missing."
Solution:          Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Problem:           Aircraft handles funny.
Solution:          Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Problem:           Target radar hums.
Solution:          Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Problem:           Mouse in cockpit.
Solution:          Cat installed.

Problem:           Noise coming from under instrument panel; sounds like a  midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Solution:          Took hammer away from midget.

The Pastor's Kitten
[Note: This may be another one of those urban legends that made it's way around the world via the internet, but it's funny!. I'm putting it here just as I got it in an email.]

Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church.

He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and drove away so that the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke. The tree went "bong!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping," and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?"

She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it."

She told the pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat. And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her."

Never underestimate the Power of God and His unique sense of humor.

The Mousetrap
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning.

"There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the houseó like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.

The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught.

The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, rememberó when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

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