Dear The Other Black Sheep:

I wish you had bothered to leave an email address or some other way to get in contact with you so that I could respond to your cryptic message in my guestbook. But you didn't, for reasons unknow, so this is the best I can do. I hope that someday you return to this page and read what I'm writing right now.

Your message in my guestbook told me to reread my letter to my father from a parent's point of view since I was, after all, a parent, wasn't I? Yes, I am a parent of two beautiful sons of whom I am very proud. So I did as you requested and reread the letter to my father as if one of my children had written it to me. Here's a letter I composed to my "child" in response to this letter I "received" from her.

Dear Shelly,

I read your letter today and I cried. I cried not for the reasons you may think. I'm proud of you and who you are and proud that you have the self-confidence to be proud of yourself. I wish you the best in your "new" marriage and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

So why the tears? The tears are for all the time we must have lost. I didn't mean to be so unapproachable. I didn't want to be so "aloof", so hard to please, that you were unable to talk to me. I wasn't trying to be judgmental or prejudiced. I didn't mean to exert so much control of your life. I had no right to ask you to do things my way and I'm sorry that I did so. I thought I was being a good parent and I'm happy to know you don't blame me. That you understand I did the best I could. I hope now that this is all out in the open and I am aware of how you felt, that we can put the past behind us and work to build a more open relationship. That we can talk about the things that are bothering you. That I can share in your happiness with you.

While nothing I can say here can change the past, we can change the future. When I'm aloof, please tell me so I can stop. When you need to just talk, please tell me to not give you any advice, just to listen. It is a waste of time crying over spilt milk, but perhaps we can both learn how not to spill anymore. My beliefs may not be the same ones you choose to follow, but you have the right to choose your own beliefs and I must respect that right as you have respected mine.

I love you.

Mom

Well, there is it, TOBS. As you may have noticed, I've written it from MY point of view as a mother, not from my father's. I can't speak for him and I won't presume to write a letter as if it were from him. I addressed the issues in the letter as if it had been my child writing that same letter to me. And I based my response on MY beliefs, not my fathers, because again, I cannot and will not speak for him. I'm not sure what you wanted me to see when reading the letter as a parent, and if I've missed your point, please let me know and try to clarify what I'm missing. And please, this time, leave an address so I can get back to you.

Thanks!

Shelly